It appears to be self-doubt awareness month on my blog! đ Only yesterday I talked about self-doubt and writer’s block on Nadia L. King’s blog, and in two weeks time I’ve got a collaborative post where 14 authors tell you their secrets of dealing with self-doubt. Right now I’m thrilled to be welcoming back Dana Fraedrich! Dana’s here to talk about all things self-doubt, and gives a few pointers on dealing with it, too!
Dana is the author of the Broken Gears series. In case you missed it, a few weeks ago I did an interview with her where she revealed the title of her next book, so be sure to read it if you haven’t already! đ
Over to you, Dana <3
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I once saw a meme online that said something to the effect of, âCreating art is constantly flipping between absolute narcissism and crippling self-doubt.â Â I donât know about the absolute narcissism partâand not because Iâm a writer, but because not a single one of the creatives I know think theyâre the next Shakespeare or Van Gogh or Mozartâbut I think we can all relate to the crippling self-doubt part. Â Letâs be painfully real for a second here: Iâm not talking about just regular, slightly second-guessy self-doubt you get when you think the brown shoes would have been a better choice than the blue for your big event. Â The kind of self-doubt that crushes you under it and paralyzes you, makes you feel physically ill, and makes you wonder, what am I doing with my entire life? Â I cannot do this. Â Iâm not even not good enough, Iâm just plain not good. Â And itâs utterly insidious. Â It starts so small, slipping into your mind as no more than a little thought-seed at first, taking root and growing into a choking vine that wraps around your creative self and tries to kill it.
I ran into a really bad bout of this about two months ago. Â Can you guess how it started? Â I bet you can. Â A review.
âItâ in this case was my latest book, Out of the Shadows.  Two out of five stars hurts even now months later.  It doesnât matter that this two star review was flanked on both sides by lovely, four (more on four stars later) and five star reviews.  Those two stars were blaring FAILURE at me from the screen.  And do you know what made it even worse?  It was well written, well thought out, and made both positive and negative points.  If it had read like some of the reviews out thereââWurst book eva!  I hated this U shuld stop riting and go kill urselfââI could have easily brushed it off and moved on with my life immediately because I recognize a troll when I see one.  This, thoughâŚit was a pretty good review even if it shredded a little piece of my heart.  I was frozen for two whole days.
Of course, we canât get anywhere standing still. Â I knew this. Â Iâm not trying to brag when I say Iâve never been very good at inaction, that Iâm usually a pretty resilient person. Â Whatever numinous blend of nature and nurture formed who I am today created a strong, positively minded person, so I was able to pick myself up pretty well. Â If this isnât you, cool. Â Iâm glad to meet you because we all have our individual strengths and weaknesses that make us unique and important players in this world. Â Please donât hate me for being me and instead let me use this strength to try and encourage anyone who struggles with getting out of self-doubtâs soul-sucking grasp. Â Hopefully, in the future, we can cross paths again and you can encourage me in my weaknesses with your particular strengths.
Opinions Are Just Opinions
Technical details like spelling, grammar, and punctuation are all vitally important to a good book reading experience. Â Thatâs pretty inarguable. Â As far as the more subjective parts of creation, howeverâwhether itâs music, writing, or fine artâletâs get one thing straight: some people are not going to like your art because they were never going to like it. Â Different people have different tastes. Â YA fantasy, my usual genre, simply wonât appeal to some readers. Â Some people really donât like Stephen King, while loads more devour everything he writes. Â Itâs just personal preference. Â Was that part of the issue with the two star review? Â Yes, I think so. Â Am I just saying that to make myself feel better? Â Maybe? Â I donât know for sure. Â You can look at my Goodreads page for Out of the Shadows to find the review and judge for yourself if youâre really keen. Â What someone thinks of your creations, has no bearing on your worth as a human being. Â Let me say that again in a different way: you are important and priceless because you are you. Â I know thatâs difficult for us creatives because so much of our heart and souls are wrapped up in our art, but it does not define us. Â If Iâm honest, I have trouble writing that even in this moment. Â Even still, itâs true.
Now, I know I just said that opinions are only opinions, but you can also learn from those opinions. Â Something Iâve heard from several people/reviews about my book Out of the Shadows is that the pacing in the first half of the book is a little slow. Â Fair dues. Â I can take that and use it to make my writing better, and I plan to. Â Glean what helpful bits you can from criticism and use them to improve your craft. Â You can usually tell if a critique is well meaning if the person pointed out both good and bad things in your art and if they cited specific issues like pacing or characterization instead of simply saying, âI didnât like it.â
Four Stars Is Perfectly Respectable
Or three stars if the rating system only goes as far as four, but I personally prefer a five star rating system. Â Some of my fellow authors might not like this, but donât give out five star reviews very easily. Â I promise itâs not from a place of snootiness or anything like that. Â Itâs just that, in my view, five star ratings are for near-perfect books. Â Even if I rate a book 4.5 stars (yes, sometimes I get that specific), I still only put four stars on the site because, again, I only mark five stars when I mean five stars.
I admit I used to give out perfect scores much more often before I started my own blog and writing career because it didnât matter as much. Â Iâve also been warned by some fellow authors and bloggers that they âgive very honest reviewsâ when Iâve requested reviews of my books from them, which informs me I am not alone in this mindset. Â And thatâs okay. Â Itâs also okay if you give out five star reviews like candy at Halloween (I bet all the authors love you the most, in fact). Â As before, different people will have different opinions on the best way to do reviews. Â Therefore, if someone gives your book a four star review instead of a five, donât be discouraged. Â Itâs a compliment!
Treat Yourself
IMHO, self-care is something we donât practice enough. Â Taking time for just you is often seen as selfish or a special treat only to be had on rare occasions. Â The thing is, your brain and body are machines that need rest and care to keep them running at full (healthy) capacity. Â Self-doubt strips our minds of the oil that makes everything run smoothly, dries and damages the belts that keep the wheels in there turning. Â When you get battered by self-doubt, take some time and treat yourself to the things that make you blissfully happy. Â For you, it might be a walk or run outside, a cuddle with a furry friend, or a drive to nowhere in particular with your favorite tunes screaming out of the radio. Â Whatever that is for you, do it. Â Hereâs what I did after that crushing two star blow:
Tea, biscuits, a candle that smells like my fantasies made real, a good book, and a fluffy buddy is my perfect recipe for happiness.
You know what else is a good exercise for kicking self-doubtâs butt? Â Sit down and write out as many good things about yourself as you can think of in ten minutes. Â Set a timer to keep yourself honest, and donât worry about making it pretty. Â Just list positive things about you. Â Once your ten minutes is up, read the list back to yourself. Â Read it as often as you need to remind yourself how awesome you are. Â This last one is especially good for those that feel like you donât have time for such luxuries as those pictured above. Â Iâm looking at you, parents, entrepreneurs, and general life-livers. Â Just ten minutes. Â You can even record it on your phone using a voice memo app and play it back while you attend to other duties.
Remember, you cannot be the best version of you unless, cannot fully serve your art and family and friends, unless you take care of yourself.  And if you need help (which there is no shame in asking for, by the way)âŚ
Turn to Your Community
Human beings need each other. Â I could point you to countless scientific studies that have proved this over and again, but this entry is already pretty long. Â You know how else self-doubt (not to mention other difficult and painful things like grief and anxiety) knocks our feet out from under us? Â It makes us think weâre desperately alone in our struggle, that everyone else is sailing along with all their stuff sorted neatly together.
Do not believe this. Â It is a flat out lie!
Hereâs something else to remember: the struggle of the creative isnât some exceptional form of torment thatâs unique only to us special snowflakes. Â Everyone deals with the desire to be good enough, much less the best. Â One of the biggest mistakes we make as human beings is excluding people from our communities because theyâre not [enter qualifier here] like us. Â Donât think you can only talk about your struggles with fellow artists. Â Whether itâs a good enough parent raising their kiddos, a good enough nurse providing life-saving care, a child getting good enough grades in school, we are all in this together. Â Find people who encourage you and lean on them. Â And then return the favor when (and it might happen within the same conversation) they express their own insecurities and struggles. Â This is how strong communities are built.
Please donât think I donât get it. Â Opening up to people can be really hard, especially if youâre like me and have trust issuesâCan this be used against me? Â Will people see me as weak because of this admission? Â I sound so stupid saying this!âbut I think people respond positively to transparency, especially when they hear their own thoughts about themselves echoed back to them. Â You hate apostrophes too?! Â Yeah, my characters arenât playing nicely right now either, ugh! Â I know that critique hurt because Iâve been there too, see?
In my experience, the Bookstagram and general writing community on Instagram is amazingly supportive and kind. Â Some of my favorite fellow writers are people I met on that platform, but thatâs just one place. Â You can also find support in local groups (I attend a writing group here in Nashville thatâs run via a website called MeetUp.com) or even just amongst your family and friends. Â After reading that two star review, I called my older sister, who is one of my closest confidants but also one of the people in my life I trust to be honest with me even when it hurts, and pretty much emotionally word-vomited down the phone all over her. Â Gross visual image, I know, but accurate. Â All Iâll say about that conversation is that she helped. Â In the end, find people who lift you up instead of dragging you down, and then you can lift them up in turn.
Many thanks to you, dear reader, for spending this time here today, and a huge thank you to Sarina for allowing me to be a guest here today. Â Happy creating!
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Thank you, Dana! If you’d like to catch up with Dana and her books, you can find her on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and her website.
How do you defeat self-doubt? Let’s talk over some biscuits and tea! đ
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I am an anarchic grumpy guy of 66 and write because I can.
My humour-laced advice (with a health-warning) to folk who write for themselves and/or are starting out (as opposed to Company writers and ‘Well beloved’/’Successful writers’).
On receiving a ‘bad’ or ‘two star’ review – You cannot be held responsible for the failure of the person to engage with the book; this is particularly important to bear in mind when there is one ‘bad’ review amongst sever al good ones.
Unless a reviewer happens to mention that they have written books themselves (yes, we know they can’t mention the title) which qualifies them to pass comment – my response is ‘Uh! Can you any better? Like have you tried?’
The important fact is to have written a book and got it out there. By all means before a launch have the work proof-read and given to an editor or beta reader, but at the end of the day producing a book is the achievement. A small number of negative reviews is either babble or someone showing their particular taste or opinion and at the end of the day is no reflection on your effort or quality.
That’s how I see it anyway
Strive on you writers